Pillar of Salt
by Chelsea Red Parker
Summary: My Autobiography. It's not a screenplay, but there was no other category I could put it under.
1. Lying to your Saving Grace

Pillar of Salt

Pillar of Salt

Chelsea Red Parker

Chapter One

Lying to your Saving Grace

It was the first thing I did when I came back. I don't remember the drive, it only a grey blur, but I remember stepping out of the car. It was an August day in Texas, much like walking into the sun. You could guard your eyes but it always seemed to be right in your face, obscuring your vision. A one story cream colored building lay ahead of me lined with police cars. I'd been here before and had prayed to never come back. Damn it was hot. The rays seemed to reflect of the pavement as I walked across the parking lot to the doors that read 'Comal County'. The blistering ninety-eight degrees blew to seventy when I opened the glass door. A badge and a metal detector, nothing had changed. I had to kick off my Vans and turn out my pockets for Officer Rodriguez before I could even walk through; all this because my brother asked me too. I hate this place, I hate feeling guilty, but most of all right now I hate the man walking over to me in a grey suit and blue tie with a folder tucked under his arm. "Hello, my name is Richard White, you can call me Rick. I'm your mother's attorney". I thought a handshake was only supposed to last three seconds. I tried to be polite "Hello, I'm Chelsea". It was so hard, I'm a good liar but I never was good at being fake. He began to ramble about how she had wanted to see me and how she 'boasted' about me. That woman was the queen of fake. I'm sure she wanted to see me; she wanted to see anyone she thought could do her a favor. 'Call me Rick' lead me down a cream painted brick hallway. More security, Officer Burge gave me the same orders and patted me down. "Concealing any weapons?" if monotone could sound angry his voice is what it that sounded like. I'm irritated "for her, never". I really hate this place.

The last couple times I was here I saw her through bullet proof glass and when she pissed me off I could put down the phone but Rick excitedly informs me that we will be in a visitors room with her. It's a ten by twelve room of those same bland bricks. She's sitting in the middle at a silver table in brown county issue clothes and white Keds. As soon as I get in the room I sit down, she already looking at me, looking at me with that smile. She looks older, she's gained weight, and her wavy brown hair is a mess. I look at her and remember why I hate to look in the mirror. Small frame, green eyes, high cheek bones; that face is me in twenty years. "Hello honey" she smiles. What a bitch. "Hey" I cringe and look at Rick "Can we get started"? "Sure, sure, of course" he's thumbing through the manila folder "So you know that Elizabeth, your mother, tested positive on three urinary exams during her probation meetings…" I cut him off, "For what exactly"? Kathleen, that's what I call her, cringes. I already know the answer to this question but I want Rick to read it off to me, for the sake of having it read in front of this sneaky individual. "Marijuana, Cocaine, and Methadone." I look at Kathleen and smile "nice" I say it with raised eyebrows and a 'you're getting what you deserve face'. Rick pretends not to notice, I'm thinking it's because he's scared. I'm not intimidating but I can tell he doesn't like confrontations; in fact he even slides to the side of his chair furthest from me. "It isn't true you know" she's looking at me. "How could it not be true?" I bark at her. Rick's not getting his wish because I know her and I know what's coming. You know those people who always have to be right, you never like to be made to look like a fool, and even if they are caught red handed they will keep lying? That's Kathleen, and her next move is to yell me into some twisted submission so she feels like she won something. "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!" she belts. I'm not a child so I yell back "Oh yea because of all people they are picking on you right?" "It says right here, and those are your usual, so why the fuck would I believe you"? Silence. It lasts because Rick has told her he will leave if she says anything else. He wants to talk about procedure, about what's going to happen at her hearing, and how he wants me to be there to 'speak for her'. I laugh "Is that why you asked Donnie to make me come here?" she nods her head. Rick pleads. I'm the 'key person' in her defense, I need to tell them 'what a great person she is'. It's so hot in here all of a sudden, my head is spinning. It hurts to breath and my heart is racing, it feels like that time Donnie thought it's be a good idea to tape my wrists together, and then tape my wrists to my body. The last time I had an anxiety attack was two years ago, it was the reason I left. I want to pass out, cry, and hurt her all at the same time but I'm shaking and Officer Burge is outside with his gun. I stabilize myself enough to say "I'm not lying to a room full of people" and walk out.

I nod to Burge as I walk out. My knees are weak, I just need to make it to the door, and then I can breath. Rodriguez doesn't even bother standing up but asks me if I'm 'alright' without the slightest tone of concern. The door seems so much heavier but I manage to lean my whole body against it. The heat is somehow comforting, and I couldn't seem to get the cold air into my lungs so I'm thrilled to be back in the Sahara. Amanda is still waiting for me in the driver seat and her mom, Josie, is laying down in the back. The gold Malibu is a safe haven, if I can just get inside I can forget what just happened, but Rick is calling my name. Ignore him and get in. "Just drive" Amanda turns on the car and drives through the space and out of the parking lot leaving Rick standing there, times like these are why she is my best friend.

I'm glad Josie is asleep, if not we'd playing ten thousand questions, she'd want to know everything, down to the color of the officers uniforms, navy, and whether the lobby was empty, it was. Amanda is quiet, internal, she understands me. The hour drive back to San Antonio is silent except for Mix 96.1 but my mind drowns it out. All I can think of is the last time I was there, how we fought then too, how we'd always fought. I remembered how disgusted I was to hear that I was her 'saving Grace'. My good grades and presidential awards somehow meant she was a good mother, that she only had some 'bad habits'. Biting your nails is a bad habit, I had good grades because I used any excuse to stay away from home and we lived down the street from a library. Now I'm angry again and I feel tricked, again. What was Donnie thinking asking me to come here knowing what she wanted, I was hoping for last good byes 'hope to never fucking see you again' type material but no I get asked to defend her. I have to laugh a little because she didn't even ask me to, it was Rick. Rick red faced, cul-de-sac shaped blonde hair, grey suit wearing, court appointed lawyer! I proud drug addict, that's a funny thing.


	2. My Brother

Chapter Two

Chapter Two

My Brother

As people in life go Donnie was always the most impressive, no matter who he shared a room with. My little brother towered over me before he even entered high school and now at 6'2" he's a giant. He's constantly been surrounded by people, he likes to pretend he's quiet but in truth he uses a first impression of 'loner' to wait and judge whether people are worth his time. I'm making him sound pompous but in reality he is the furthest thing from, it's just that once you become friends with him that's how it stays and he doesn't want to surround himself with destructive people. Unlike our mother who makes friends with people who can offer her something, he's honestly in it for the friendship. Donnie is kind, generous, thoughtful, internal, and loyal; he's my baby brother. There are not enough for to describe his greatness or the love I have for him, so I will tell you a story.

He was seven and I eight. It seemed like any other Saturday, and it was, except for the drug addict we were about to meet that had his wrists slit and was thrown out of a car. We lived in New Braunfels near some train tracks and a creek at the time, it was a quiet neighborhood, old houses and old people but there were a few other kids our age. A nice fall day, orange trees, and below eighty degrees, it was perfect. We liked to go passed the back of the neighborhood, where there was an enormous ditch that sloped back up to the tracks. It was nice and dark, covered by huge trees, no one could see in, I never thought of it before but I supposed that's why he hid there. We slid in like always, nearly hitting a drain hole that was open on the side we came in on, and started walking in the soft dirt toward the opening to the creek. We came through the cover of trees and there he was, lying there, bleeding to death. Immediately Donnie stepped in front of me, as if he needed to shield me from a barely conscious dying man. "Sir, are you ok?" Donnie asked him. He didn't speak English so the man started to ramble in Spanish. I'm not fluent but I know he's trying to tell us what happened. He keeps saying car, cocaine, and marijuana, and he's saying 'ayuda me' _help me._ I tell Donnie and immediately he grabs me and we race off to tell Kathleen.

Donnie is quick and hard to keep up with, when I usually would give up and call him an asshole he grabs my hand and I'm not sure if my feet are actually on the pavement. We ran five blocks, to this day I swear I've never run faster. Like lightening we are already at the front door. Kathleen calls the police "now I want you two to stay inside" she tells us. There were few times in my life she gave us instructions, she liked to pretend she didn't have any children so she never told us what to do. Almost if she didn't scold we didn't exist. Kathleen and I always fought but right now I didn't have the energy, I still hadn't been able to push my lungs back down my throat. "This is bullshit" Donnie yelled. She jumped back at his uproar, he never argued with her, never. "You don't start" Kathleen barked. "He fucking dying!" tears started to roll from his eyes now. She never crossed him, his temper like mine, is very short. When he gets mad it's never words, he's a male so he throws things. "Just go to your room" and yea, he goes. He rips the sheet off his bed and climbs out the window. He runs across the backyard and hops the fence and runs down the alley and into the sheet, it's about this time she goes to check on him and sees he's not there. She runs into the living room telling me to 'stay put' and heads out the front door. I know she won't go looking for him, she's blazed like always, and there will be cops there soon. I take this opportunity and head for the back door. I hop over the fence and down the alley; running another five blocks when I hit the street.

When I get there pudgy freckled face Cory is guarding the entrance to the creek, probably posted there by my brother to wave the police in. My eyes are starting to water, I can't help it. Donnie is kneeling over the man wrapping his right wrist with a torn sheet piece; he's already passed out, probably from loss of blood. An EMS pulls up and three men get out. They immediately circle him, I'm frozen, but Donnie stands straight up and demands the attention of the tallest EMT. He starts rambling off everything he knows about the injured man, his name, his condition, how he got there, and how long he'd been there. At the time I didn't realize the severity of it all or the courage he had shown, that was him, it was that simple. Now when I think back it makes me smile, seeing that little boy talking to a man twice his size with all the confidence in the world. If you stumble upon him one day maybe you can understand, even now something about him commands respect and he deserves every ounce of it.


End file.
